TLV Website: Now LIVE!

www.todaysladyvirtue.com

Skip over here to receive:

- Biblical and relevant blogposts for women of the 21st century

- Purpose, Perspective, Practical help

- My Poetry and Recipes

- Quarterly Newsletter and Resources--FREE!

- Connect and share stories with a virtuous community





Welcome Readers!

Welcome to my blog: Today's Lady Virtue. This site is for women--wives, mothers, singles, widows, family, friends, etc.! My heart is to share loving encouragement coupled with timeless truths from God's Word, the Bible, to enlighten, uplift, and empower women of today. At Today's Lady Virtue we're about "Reclaiming Virtuous Womanhood today the Time-tested Way!" Here you will find a variety of posts from poems, to "Put into Practice" principles, to pictures and more! I invite you to voyage with me on the quest to become Today's Lady Virtue.







Monday, May 23, 2011

Guest Post on Celebrating Mothers: A Mother-daughter Tango

We're celebrating mothers here on TLV this month, but can we honor them when they've caused us great pain? Today's guest blogger answers.

You're in for a real treat today to hear from the heart of my writer friend, Jessica Errico. The Lord intertwined our paths just weeks following She Speaks. Since then, we've been blessed with many opportunities to pray for and encourage one another in obedience to God's call for us to write for Him.

Also, I'd love for you to check out Jess' charming children's book, complete with musical CD. Travel to far-off lands, marvel at beautifully illustrated pages, and dance the Boogie Woogie as Grandpa plays his magical accordion! I purchased one for our family last year. We've enjoyed it so much that I ordered more copies and gave them as gifts to my nieces, nephews, and good friends.

Put on your dancing shoes and let's TANGO...Mother-Daugher style. 

Surrounded by the peaceful ambiance of the Hospice suite, I sat at my mother’s bedside, stroking her arm. Her eyes were closed. In the stillness of the late afternoon, I began to sing softly.

She dozed in and out of sleep, while in hushed tones, I assured her of my love. I savored the sweet closeness in our comfortable surroundings. Then suddenly, with her eyes still shut, she spoke into the space between us, her voice steady and clear…

“Why do you love an old woman
who has caused you so much pain?”

Gulp. I stopped my rhythmic stroking on her forearm. In that split second, I was caught off guard and unprepared for her question; yet, I sensed an urgency to answer.

You see, mother was always inquisitive, ever trying to ascribe a motive to peoples’ actions. I shouldn’t have been surprised by her question…in fact it was long overdue.

Why DID I love an old woman
who had caused me so much pain?

“Because you are my Mom, and I love my Mom” I responded.

Nothing more, nothing less…and she seemed content with my answer, not stirring, just resting.

I don’t remember what happened next. It was close to dinnertime and I needed to get home. So I kissed her goodbye and walked to my car…trying to sort out our verbal exchange…and my feelings.

Truly, Christ deserves the glory for the love that flowed from me to my mother. HE was the reason I was able to love and care for her at the end of her life.

For most of her 75 years, Mother battled the fall-out of a hurtful childhood, turning to alcohol to cope. And as children of alcoholics know, when parents drink, their personalities are unpredictable at best. My role in our family of three children, with a distant father and an emotionally unstable mother, was as the designated “care giver.”

But, oh how I longed for a mother who would treasure spending time with me, teach me things, and love me for who I was. How I yearned for her approval. I’m sure many women can relate.

And GOD, in His faithfulness, supplied my need with a couple of “mother figures” who entered my life. Their care for me bolstered my self-esteem. These dear friends provided the acceptance and emotional mothering I lacked.

Then I read a wonderful book entitled A Daughter's Journey Home: Finding a Way to Love, Honor and Connect with Your Mother by Dr. Linda Mintle.

The premise of Dr. Mintle’s book is that there are no perfect mothers! What a freeing revelation. A gentle conviction gripped me. I realized that my Mom could never measure up to an impossible standard of perfection. Only GOD can love completely and purely. This principle really “hit home” because I was a mother myself, and by no means, was I the perfect nurturer of my own children.

So, for the last four years of mom’s life, Christ enabled me to serve her and not judge her. He empowered me to care for my mother, through inconvenience, exhaustion, and forgiveness. Oh, there were times I wanted to run away from all the responsibility, the numerous doctors’ appointments, the logistics of moving her several times, the occasional insensitive remarks, the unceasing demands, and the clink of ice in her glass of Vodka…but GOD.

By His Grace and my husband’s support, Christ’s love flowed through imperfect me, empowering me to finish well. He even enabled me to share a precious eulogy in honor of the classy lady who is my Mom. Granting me understanding, He permitted me to see that despite her emotional pain, my mother truly did love me.

Even now, as I continue to sort out my thoughts and GOD’s lessons, I’ve established a blog entitled: Mother Daughter Tango. It’s a place to discuss the complicated feelings we have as we relate with our mothers and our daughters. Isn’t this powerful relationship much like a dance? A “Tango” of sorts...powerful in symbolism…precisely choreographed…uniquely personal for each mother and daughter…which affects generations to come!

With Christ’s help, we can make it a God honoring dance,
one that pleases His heart.

Meet Jessica: Jessica Errico has directed a Pregnancy Care Center, served alongside her husband in the pastorate, ministered in Mexico and homeschooled her children. She is a proud mother and grandma. Jessica is passionate about women’s issues and available to speak at ladies’ events. Check out her first children’s book at http://www.3partharmony.org/ and her blogs: http://www.jewelsforthejourney.blogspot.com/ and http://www.motherdaughtertango.blogspot.com/.

2 comments:

  1. Being a mother of grown children now is helping me with my relationship with my own mother. She too has carried a lot of woundedness through her life. By God's grace, I'm able to forgive a lot more than I was when I was younger. I'm doing better with forgiving my mother-in-law of almost 35 years, who has not been very nice... and I do hope and pray someday I might actually love her somehow. (She is 85). What I'm learning is that the kind of love you need for these difficult relationships seems to only come by remembering how much we have personally been forgiven by our great Savior. "He who has been forgiven much, loves much." This is a supernatural kind of love, not one we can muster up on our own. Thanks for sharing Jessica...God was so good to give you those precious memories in your mother's final years and to grant you peace for the rest of your lifetime!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm so glad you pointed me over here, Jessica. As painful as it is to read about your mother's addiction and anger, it's also beautiful to read about the heart of love you had for her until the end.

    But God... for certain.

    You are precious to me, sister, and I'll be praying that the Lord guide and direct your pen in coming days.

    peace~elaine

    ReplyDelete